Thursday, October 29, 2015

Not Perfect

I spend a lot of time writing posts that I never publish. I worry that someone will read it and judge me. Seems a little silly to be a blogger if I am always worrying what other people think. Of course I want people to like me. I think most people do. I'm not perfect though, far from it. So I'm writing a post about it. I'm not backtracking or editing out the parts I think people won't like. Be warned that might mean some shoddy grammar and spelling, because both are far from perfect. 

When I bake cookies, I always give my kids a pinch of brown sugar. Of course I give myself a pinch, too. Let's be honest, we could all use a little sweetness in our lives. If I'm in the kitchen working they know, and they line up for a little sugar. 

I'm a total failure at making homemade brownies. Seriously, I can destroy any brownie recipe I see. This is only a recent failure, though. One Christmas I made goody packages full of homemade treats. I went all out and made several different brownies from recipes on Pinterest. Yum! Now every brownie (that isn't out of a box) is sad. 

I let my kids eat junk. Not all the time, I try to give them a balanced diet. I've even limited some of their pre-packaged intake. Mostly in the breakfast area. I still give them veggies out of the can and potatoes out of a box some nights. I'm not sure how other moms make all homemade and non-preservative food, but I'm just not there yet. My kids get candy. In fact I just bought a ton on sale and when I'm feeling nice, or when they sneak it, or they've done something awesome, they have a little bit of candy. They also eat fast food. Not constantly, but we have a designated dinner out and a movie night every Friday. They pick whatever they want and we have that for dinner. Healthy? Nope. Fun? Absolutely!

I lose my cool. My mouth runs away with me and words my kids shouldn't say fly right out. With five of them on top of me, twins need a bath, the boy needs a picture drawn right now, this project is due, that item is needed tomorrow, sign this, a snack a snack a snack, this game isn't working, my sheets are scratchy, she stole my blanket, the twins are making more wall art, someone is constantly screaming because they aren't happy. dinner just got chucked to the floor....ect. Yeah I lose my cool. I'm better at it than I used to be. People compliment me, tell me they don't know how I do it. I just laugh, because I know I mess up. I know some days I'm not handling it and I just want to cry. 

My kids get more screen time than they should. Yep, I know, I'm horrible. The boy doesn't always calm down easily. If he has the kindle, he settles. I need the settled sometimes. At bedtime, my monkeys lay down and watch their shows. Another no-no. It's not on all night though, and my kids are asleep no later than nine, eight more than not, so I don't feel like it's a bad thing. 

I procrastinate everything! When my kids bring home something that needs signed, I wait until the last day. I don't know why, because then I'm stressed out that I've missed a deadline. If I have a book to review for my other blog, two days before it's due, I finally read it. I can even start with good intentions two weeks early and I won't finish that book until the last possible moment. I'm procrastinating this post. I just hopped over to Facebook. I'm having a Halloween party on Saturday for my kids and I haven't started any of the baking yet. I was supposed to start Monday because I have so much planned. If there was a procrastination award, I would definitely be eligible. 

I start things and don't finish them. This is everything. TV shows, like all the ones where people try out first. I watch the try-outs and maybe a few elimination shows, then I just quit watching. I won't drink the last of the milk in a carton or finish a bag of cereal (drives my husband crazy). I've started writing ten books, and so far I've actually finished only one. I start reading books and veer off into some other interest (Netflix is a tempting thing people!!). I wash laundry and don't fold it (but I don't think I'm alone in that one :) )

I'm not perfect. No one is. But I'm trying. I'm trying to be a good mom. To bake better brownies. To finish a story. To keep my cool when chaos is reigning around me. I think that trying is important. If I'm trying to be better then I don't think I'm doing such a bad job. Or at least I hope my kids can tell people one day, "My mom might not have been perfect, but she tried her hardest." That's a goal I can reach for. 

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Blogging Again!

I've been gone for ages from this blog. With five kids I found out that the crazy part was very true. My days have been busy and exciting. I never seemed to find the time to write a post. So I went on a three year hiatus. Now all my monkeys are in school, so I'm giving blogging another go.

My monkeys have grown up so fast. Some days I miss having a little baby, but let me tell you, these five keep me on my feet. They crack me up constantly with little things they say and do. There will probably be plenty of posts were I brag about my funny little monsters. Maybe they'll make you laugh, too.